In Cultural Traditions We Trust

In Cultural Traditions We Trust

Posted by subu9213 | On :April 15, 2013 | 2 Comments

A friend emailed me this and it really resonated with me, so after making a few edits I am posting it as today’s blog: an imaginary conversation between God and St. Francis:

GOD: Francis, I have a question for you about planet earth:  What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds, etc. that I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now.  Instead all I see are green rectangles.

St. Francis: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord–the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it’s all one color.  It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms.  It’s sensitive to temperatures.  Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

St. Francis: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather will make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord.  As soon as it grows a little, they cut it–sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it?  Do they then bale it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord.  Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it?  Why?  Is it a cash crop?  Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No, Sir, just the opposite: they pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight:  They fertilize grass so it will grow, and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, Sir.

GOD: Well… then these Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

St. Francis: You aren’t going to believe this, Lord.  When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense.  At least they kept some of the trees?  After all, the trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer, then in the autumn the leaves fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes.  It’s a natural cycle of life.

St. Francis: Ummmmm…the Suburbanites have altered that cycle, Lord:  As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and then pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No!  What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

St. Francis: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch.  They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Unbelievable.  Aren’t there any intelligent ones down there that don’t this?

St. Francis: Well…yes–but the Suburbanites invented HOAs to penalize them….

GOD: Enough!  I don’t want to think about this anymore.

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2 thoughts on “In Cultural Traditions We Trust

  1. So funny but true! Since we moved out to the country, we don’t even try to grow grass. We simply enjoy the “wildflowers” that don’t need anything more than to be enjoyed.

  2. I really really want to book mark this specific blog, “In Cultural Traditions We Trust | Suburban Garden Solutions” on my
    website. Would you mind if perhaps I actuallydo it?

    Many thanks ,Oma

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